


When Sunshine Isn't Enough

by theflowerprincesleeps



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Character Death, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 20:38:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1061364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theflowerprincesleeps/pseuds/theflowerprincesleeps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Niall suffers from depression. Louis is his sunshine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Sunshine Isn't Enough

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this on my tumblr and wanted to post this here as well. I don't know why I wrote this. I just had an idea and ran with it.

Niall never really knew when he figured that he wanted to die. It was probably a series of events that finally led to the final combustion, or maybe there was a fatal trigger. But then Niall tried not to think like this. He knew it wasn’t really him. 

Niall suffered from depression. 

And not like the sort of depression that occurs when everything bad only seems to happen to you and you used to be happy. No. Niall had never been happy. It wasn’t his fault or anyone else’s. He was one of those people who had their brain wired in a way that made them sad. So Niall couldn’t blame anyone else. Or the world. It was just, he had this mental disorder and couldn’t do anything about it. 

Niall considered the medicines that he’d seen on television sometimes. They promise that they’d help but his parents would always refuse to let him take those medicines. 

Niall would say, “Mom, dad, those could make me better.” 

Then his parents would give a chill soaked sigh. The noise made Niall feel like a failure, even though it’s not even anyone’s fault. Niall had to keep saying that to himself every day, it wasn’t anyone’s fault and it certainly wasn’t his own. 

His mother would reply with, “Honey, have you heard of the side effects. They’re not worth it baby. They’d make you worse.” 

Make me worse, Niall would think. How bad am I? 

Niall had heard the side effects of what these depression reducing (curing?) medicines could bring—even worse depression, suicidal thoughts or actions, damage on his organs or whatever—but at this point he already had those symptoms (besides the damaged organs stuff) 

Niall had done things to try and make himself happy. Like, he always thought he’d look better as a blonde so he dyed his hair blonde. It made him look brighter, and it matched with those baby blue eyes. He’d looked as if he was always laughing and joking and playing around. So Niall tried to act the part of his appearance. Blondes have more fun right? 

Niall would crack jokes with his mates at school and poke their cheeks and hug them a lot. He’d go on dates with girls and guys, as he found both intruding. He played football, and sometimes talent scouts would come to the games and pay close attention to him. Seeing as Niall was in his senior year of high school, and talent scouts pretty much had set their sights on him he could possibly end up getting a scholarship to some great school. Things like that were supposed to make him happy. But he couldn’t bring himself to try because he never ever could be. It was just something at Niall couldn’t do. 

Although all his mates thought he was happy, going on dates, and joking, and playing footie he wasn’t. But Niall never said anything was wrong and so his mates just left it at that. Well, except Louis. Niall liked seeing Louis because Louis could actually make Niall, a little tiny bit happy. Just a minuscule amount that could make up for his eighteen years of not being happy. Another thing about Louis, Niall thinks Louis can tell that he’s not happy. 

So this Monday morning when Niall felt even more down than usual and had dark fantasies of him drowning or with a gun held in his mouth, he knew Louis could make him better. Louis was happy. He was tanned and had starry blue eyes. He was sort of like summer time packaged up and placed inside of a human being. 

Louis is bright, his smiles are real. His laugh is melodic, his crinkles by his eyes and smile lines are prominent. If Niall could think positively, he probably would’ve considered himself in love with Louis. But because Niall could only think negatively he thought to himself: You’re not even capable of loving another. You’re too sad to love. 

So as Niall rode to school on his bike he willed God to let it rain. It was too sunny, rain would make life around match his insides. Niall liked the type of rain when it was cold and hard and drowned everything. But as he felt the sun prickle his exposed skin and warm his cold soul he had a good thought! Louis is like the sunshine. 

That was a good sign, right? So Niall thanked any angels out there listening that it was sunny. It was sunny, and Louis was sunny. That’s makes everything somewhat alright. 

As Niall chained his bike to the bike rack near the main entrance of the school building he stood there still for a few silent moments. The sun radiating down on him was all he could think about. And Louis. That’s why when he felt hands grip his waist and a giggle trace the air he couldn’t help but give a tiny grin. 

“Hey Nialler.” 

“Hey Louis.” 

“I was bout’ to go into the school but I saw you here so I thought I’d properly greet you before anyone else did.” 

“Why?” 

“Why what Nialler?” 

“Why’d you wanna greet me? You’re so weird.” 

“I just wanted to say ‘hi’ before anyone else because you’re probably one of my favorites.” 

“What do you—“ 

“Don’t over think it too much. C’mon we’re bout’ to be late for first period.” 

Niall let Louis drag him into the school through the front entrance. Niall liked how warm Louis was and how his heat transferred to the palm of his hand where Louis was holding him. He liked a lot of things about Louis. 

If Niall could be happy, he would’ve known Louis liked him too. Louis did consider himself in love with Niall. But Louis could also tell Niall was sad, so very sad. That’s why he’d always make an effort to hug or lightly pinch the artificial blonde. He’d supply kisses to Niall’s cheeks and would always offer his warmth to Niall. Niall’s skin always seemed so cold. 

Today, Niall, seemed even more down. Louis would constantly check Niall’s wrists when he knew the blonde wasn’t looking to see if there were cuts or something. But Niall’s pale wrists were always pure and free of tried blood and marks. 

Louis tried his hardest to see what was going on in Niall’s head at all times. But he couldn’t. Louis had met Niall’s family and they didn’t seem messed up. Niall wasn’t bullied. Niall was probably going to get scouted by a university any day now. Niall had good friends. Niall was beautiful. 

Louis couldn’t decide why his lovely Niall was sad. So today, he just, decided to ask. 

Sometimes Louis would walk Niall home, and he’d hang out with the blonde. They’d do school work and watch a movie every now and again. 

So as Louis followed the familiar way upstairs to Niall’s room he closed the door behind them and released a shaky breath. 

“Niall.” 

“Hmm?” 

“Why are you sad? And don’t even lie to me. Our other mates are too dim to see but I’m not dim, I’m rather brilliant and I can tell you’re never happy!” 

Niall blinked. Once, twice, three times. The he shrugged. 

“I never told you, have I?” 

Louis shook his head furiously, Niall knew he’d never told Louis. But he wanted it to come across as casual as he possibly could. Niall tapped his foot on the floor for a few seconds before inhaling. 

“I suffer from depression.” 

“You suffer from depression?” Louis said, just to make sure he’d heard Niall right. 

“Yeah. Not like the emo kind of depressed but like the mental disorder kind.” 

Louis nodded, and he didn’t know what to do but hug Niall. Niall hugged him back. They hugged for a long time. When they released Louis had glassy eyes. Like he was about to cry. The two didn’t speak, and they just did homework. After that they watched Iron Man. 

After that day, Niall wasn’t in school for three days. When Niall did come back he told his mates and Louis that’d he caught some really bad virus or something. The others accepted it. Louis wasn’t so sure about it though. But he didn’t ask, he didn’t want to intrude or anything. 

Then Niall was absent for the rest of the week. 

Louis went by Niall’s house to check up on him. Niall’s mother let him in and hugged Louis. She was always happy to see him. She said she was happy Niall had a best friend. Louis thought about it, and he hoped Niall considered him a best friend as well. Louis didn’t want to be grouped with Niall’s other mates who were more of acquaintances than anything. But he had a good feeling that he wasn’t. 

Niall was lying in his bed staring at the ceiling, the duvet and bed sheets thrown onto the floor. Niall looked at Louis when he entered. Baby blue eyes, now gray. Like an empty void. 

Louis got into Niall’s bed and laid next to him. Louis wrapped his limps around Niall and breathed into the blonde’s neck. Niall started crying. Louis automatically asked why. 

“Louis. I have thoughts. Thoughts of me dying and I’m okay with them. I shouldn’t be though.” 

Louis didn’t know how to respond. So he just pulled Niall closer. 

Louis had no idea how bad Niall was. 

The next day came. Niall wasn’t at school again. Louis couldn’t go check on him because he promised he would watch his four younger sisters while his mother went to dinner with some friends. 

Louis was worried. 

He texted Niall, but got no response. 

When Louis got home, his mother rushed to him. Hugging him and clinging to him and tears were storming down her face. 

“Mum? Aren’t you to head to dinner with your friends?” 

“I’m…I’m so sorry Lou.” 

“What mum?” 

Louis was pulled into the living room where the television was on. A newscast was blaring, with a reporter standing outside Niall’s…house? Louis’s mother spoke, 

“Y-Your friend…” 

The news reporter began to speak. 

“Today is a tragic day. About a few hours ago a high school student, Niall Horan, committed suicide. He’d hung himself from his ceiling fan. His parents were worried that he was to be late to school so his they went to go check on him. They found their son—“ 

Louis turned the television off. 

He let of a bloodcurdling scream. 

He ran to his room, he slammed the door. 

He cried and cried. 

He screamed, and yelled. 

He screamed for Niall. He yelled for Niall. 

He sobbed into his pillow. He wished he’d been enough to keep Niall alive.


End file.
